[excerpts from my journal a few days ago]


... part of me feels so selfish when i want everything to rewind and it not be real at all - while there was also some strange mix of peace off and on that surpassed most of my understanding.
my heart truly does rejoice that Janet is dancing with her Savior and I can only smile when I realize that she no longer has her stomach pains and can have any of her questions answered.

but i'll miss her for sure.

Janet showed me a very tangible example of how to truly LOVE everyone she met. there may have been times when we would come home talking about annoyances of someone, but as soon as that person would walk in our door she would love on them like they were the most important person there. often this confused me and i just couldn't grasp that concept, but Lord... make Your Love so real to me in such a way that I can't help but radiate that love in much of the same way that Janet lived that out.

I WANT TO LOVE AS YOU HAVE LOVED.
... YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH FOR ME.


[ The First of Many ]
My friendship with Janet held many firsts.
We had our first dorm lounge movie night together in Murphy watching The Neverending Story by ourselves (which we loved!)
She and I lived in our first house together - and thank the Lord, I couldn't have asked for a better housemate.
I experienced my first (and maybe only) neighbor retreat w/ Janet! I miss that weekend.
We were together to buy and raise our first puppy - Sadie was often our escape from boy troubles.
She took me out for my birthday and introduced me to my first experience with valet parking.

I know there are many more memories, but perhaps the most important, Janet was my first true soulmate. I remember some of the beginnings of our conversations at the start of our friendship when we realized how much we truly had in common - how similar our hearts and souls, our desires and passions were as we stitched them closer together.

I will always miss her smile and her hugs...
and the way she would play with my hair.

I am thankful for this sense of closure,
but wonder how difficult the next weeks and months will be.

Lord, give me a heart of compassion for the broken-hearted
and give me strength as I learn to lean on You.