OnMyKnEeSb4hiM's Xanga

birth. day.

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:34:22 GMT

today i turn 23... awesome.
already put in some time at work this morning.
the rest of the day i'll be taking it easy - maybe go downtown.
maybe take my dog for a walk. watch some movies with my roommate.
have people over to chill this evening.
and then go to bed "early" for a ridiculously early shift tomorrow AM.

this is my quote/slash/passage for this next year of my life.
i hope to keep this perspective all year round...

LOVE,
a term almost indefinable, is unconditional regard for a person
that prompts and shapes behaviors in order to help that person to become what God desires.
Love, when working properly, is both emotion and will... affection and action.
:: Scot McKnight
The best use of life is love.
The best expression of love is time.
The best time to love is now.
:: Rick Warren

Janet know how to love.
I want to be defined by love this year.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 05:49:23 GMT

[excerpts from my journal a few days ago]

... part of me feels so selfish when i want everything to rewind and it not be real at all - while there was also some strange mix of peace off and on that surpassed most of my understanding.
my heart truly does rejoice that Janet is dancing with her Savior and I can only smile when I realize that she no longer has her stomach pains and can have any of her questions answered.

but i'll miss her for sure.

Janet showed me a very tangible example of how to truly LOVE everyone she met. there may have been times when we would come home talking about annoyances of someone, but as soon as that person would walk in our door she would love on them like they were the most important person there. often this confused me and i just couldn't grasp that concept, but Lord... make Your Love so real to me in such a way that I can't help but radiate that love in much of the same way that Janet lived that out.

I WANT TO LOVE AS YOU HAVE LOVED.
... YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH FOR ME.

[ The First of Many ]
My friendship with Janet held many firsts.
We had our first dorm lounge movie night together in Murphy watching The Neverending Story by ourselves (which we loved!)
She and I lived in our first house together - and thank the Lord, I couldn't have asked for a better housemate.
I experienced my first (and maybe only) neighbor retreat w/ Janet! I miss that weekend.
We were together to buy and raise our first puppy - Sadie was often our escape from boy troubles.
She took me out for my birthday and introduced me to my first experience with valet parking.

I know there are many more memories, but perhaps the most important, Janet was my first true soulmate. I remember some of the beginnings of our conversations at the start of our friendship when we realized how much we truly had in common - how similar our hearts and souls, our desires and passions were as we stitched them closer together.

I will always miss her smile and her hugs...
and the way she would play with my hair.

I am thankful for this sense of closure,
but wonder how difficult the next weeks and months will be.

Lord, give me a heart of compassion for the broken-hearted
and give me strength as I learn to lean on You.

you put the wind beneath my feet

NEW YORK new york

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:12:29 GMT

i feel that in order to accurately describe my days in new york city, walking through the crowded streets, observing people around me on the subway trains, wondering what sort of impact my single person was making… i can only rightly put it into a playlist. enjoy. may these songs make you ask questions…

download .zip

We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things

Fri, 16 May 2008 20:11:35 GMT

I am extremely impressed with Jason Mraz's eclectic new album We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. The songs range from the caribbean-inspired beats in I'm Yours, to the hip-swaying tunes in Butterfly.

His heart-lorn tunes in Details in the Fabric is reminiscent of the sounds of Damien Rice. This song features James Morrison, which helps bring a weary yet captivating twist to the sounds of Mraz. This is by far one of my favorite songs from the album.

Lucky is a song that I would be tempted to use for my own "first dance" (if i were ever to have a wedding someday!) - this song is just love-struck enough to show Mraz's romantic side, but still elegant enough to not feel too sensual, or opposite of that - cheesy. Great collaboration with Colbie Caillat - their voices mix together elegantly.

Every song on this album is unique but still brings out the genius of Jason Mraz. His lyrics are powerful and stand strong on their own, but the melodies and new sounds help make this album one of the best of the year so far. I highly recommend it...

currently:

Tue, 13 May 2008 03:40:10 GMT

currently: i have sitting next to me my cell phone, some hawaiian tropic lime coolada after sun moisturizer (i itch like crazy), two RSVP cards to weddings #5 & 6 for this summer (sadly, i really think i'm only going to end up going to one of the six), and a new book that my mom got me for the summer (Nurture, by Lisa Bevere) which i'm actually quite excited to gain insight from.

currently: i have been catching up on the entire chronicles of narnia... on disc. this has been quite enjoyable. i've been passing the time by knitting... a blanket. i sure hope i have the patience to finish the whole thing. it'll be a great blanket for winter months, sitting and sipping a cup of tea while reading a book.

currently: i feel a sense of desperation and utter hopelessness for china... and myanmar... and oklahoma/missouri... and florida... there's just so much destruction in the world right now and so little action that i can take. the earthquake in china just seems almost unreal and unimaginable. the floods and death and lack of food in myanmar just makes me want to send my leftover chocolate cake in a nice big package to drop down for the starving children who have no food and no family...

currently: i just finished filling out my application for my internship this summer at calvary and sent that electronically on its way. i'm pretty sure beth will be ecstatic upon finding out that i am actually sticking around lanc-lanc for the summer. now i just need to figure out whether or not i need another part-time job. ... i may have also landed my very own house for several months this summer. of course, i'd only be house-sitting, but that may be much better than living in my parents' home for the entirety of the summer. we shall see...

currently: listening to unwed sailor and really missing the smokey nights around the fire at the house on main in cedarville. those nights held their fair share of stimulating topics of conversation and a good bit of laughter... of course, i was really getting into the swing of things concerning games, too, but this current break is probably for the best, seeing as how i was on quite the winning streak as of late (settlers of catan, zilch, boggle... it's a good thing i wasn't playing poker)... i am curious to see the changes and developments come the fall months, but i am also excited about more definite living arrangements and plans for the fall.

currently: wishing i had a good cup of coffee or a late meal at a diner... i sure do love the diners around here. the abr boys need to come home, too, as lancaster county just isn't the same without them.

currently: changing into sweatpants and preparing to rest my head on my pillow... and wondering and waiting to see if the winds will howl at my window the same as the night before...

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Now playing: Unwed Sailor - Little Wars

it's a good thing.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 15:20:39 GMT

it's a good thing i'm single right now.

there's so much i have yet to organize in my life.
files and papers for instance. i can barely keep track of these...
i think this also reflects on greater issues in my life.
as much heart and passion that i have for serving one person some day for all of my days... i can handle trying to figure out who i am right now and how to get a hold on that.

there's nothing greater than waking up with Christ.
this morning was refreshing. the first thing i did was to reach for God's Word... there's so much truth there that i am at times afraid to behold.

I want my eyes opened that I might see God's purpose.

How can I repay the Lord
for all His goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all His people.

Through everything that I feel so unworthy for... God is still good to me.
O, that I might call on the name of the Lord daily.
And that I might fulfill my vows to Him in such a way that others might see this example!

Life has been such a struggle lately... in little ways.
In finances... in motivation... in organization... in patience for the future.
Yet... I will love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live. The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, He saved me.

Wow.
Lord, BREAK my heart and rid it of all that is unclean.

:: Lord, You are worthy... of all the glory, and all the honor...
:: and all the praise!

:: edit :: 12:40 pm ::

i am learning a lot about being a parent from raising a puppy.
there is so much consistency needed.

my recent prayers are in understanding where to go in may.
indiana... california... new jersey... home. camp... church.
hmm.

:: edit :: 11:38 pm ::

apparently i get a lot of visitors to my site from belgium and california.
i'm not really sure how many people i know in belgium and california.
there was even a visitor from korea.
and yet never any comments... go figure. :grin:

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Now playing: Chris Tomlin - Sing, Sing, Sing

skips.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:04:09 GMT

this afternoon my heart skipped a beat.
at about ten 'til two.
i'm not sure even why this skipping produced racing...
especially when it goes against all logic within me.

sigh.

i need to get out and take more photographs this weekend...

:: edit :: 2:35 pm ::

We are all one body in Christ,
we belong to each other,
and each of us needs all the others.
- Romans 12:5

the Lord blesses in such creative ways...
and i have been blessed to tears today.
it is humbling.
and encouraging.
and all i can do is thank God...

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Now playing: Editors - Push Your Head Towards The Air

now don't drown in your tears, babe.
push your head towards the air.
i will always... be there.

make an artificial light shine...

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:43:50 GMT

this well-reflected the day.
there's so much captured in that tiny little capsule of water...
that could shatter instantly.

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Now playing: Fionn Regan - Put A Penny In The Slot

:: i don't give advice but be wise and think twice
:: before getting involved in a game...
:: put a penny in the slot
:: and make an artificial light shine.

brilliance

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 02:28:11 GMT

i really should be taking photos more often...

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Now playing: Sun Kil Moon - Glenn Tipton

worth and cinnamon

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 02:32:34 GMT

i thought i saw your face today.
(i don't mind that you turned and walked away.
and i'd much prefer to see the lot empty out front.)
but for now... i'll trust.

i have decided that i am not going to watch tv this week.
with the exception of thursday night. there are two shows that simply cannot be missed, if helped.
other than that, we'll see how i can carry on... (so far so good).

my pup seems to have some sort of separation anxiety lately.
she has been acting strange... always at my feet, overly jumpy, extra cuddly. not that this is a bad thing, but it's just out of the ordinary and is being noticed. she recently went along to visit my aunt and uncle and their four dogs. and the goat. this was hilarious. this was the start of noticing sadie's extreme jumpy-ness. it was entertaining to watch her try to slowly approach the goat... then let out one solemn, stern bark, which in turn startled the pup just enough that she took off running in the opposite direction as fast as possible. (she's a ham).
my aunt had an explanation for sadie barking at a guy the other night. she stated that if my dog barks at a guy, initiating her fear/concern/defense towards the guy... then he just is not worth it. (and she said this is most often true). i like that idea.

i have recently discovered that there is now a tropical smoothie cafe in lancaster county.
this is extremely exciting and seeing as how it's my favorite smoothie place in the world, it's nice to know that there's one around the lancaster area now when i visit home.

i added cinnamon to my coffee today.
my dad says that cinnamon is supposed to help lower cholesterol.
so i looked this up.
apparently it's true (according to studies).
it also supposedly stops yeast infections, regulates blood sugar levels, has an anti-clogging effect on blood, and smelling it is supposed to help boost cognitive function and memory.
hmm. go figure.

my new listen... she & him.
and i highly recommend looking into it.
this is the album debut of m. ward and zooey deschanel (the girl from Elf)
it has this golden era, classic feel. with a slight edge of romance.
look it up.

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Now playing: She & Him - I Thought I Saw Your Face Today